Conscious Parenting
Parenting is for sure the hardest job on the planet and by far the most important.
Parenting consciously does not mean parenting perfectly.
It simply means that you are “awake" while you are doing it, but there is nothing simple about it.
Unless you came to parenting an as unflawed and completely enlightened human (no one does,) conscious parenting includes healing your own emotional wounds while you are parenting. If you can be accountable, awake, and stay awake while you are parenting, you will not only heal yourself of your own emotional residue, but you will hand your child a legacy of mental health, self-esteem, and a whole-hearted life, versus a lifetime of slaying dragons that were created for them because the parent projected his/her own fears, anxieties, pain, poor self-esteem, etc… onto them.
I fell in love with this subject matter when, in my 20s and 30s, I began to watch a few of my friends raising their children with compassion, calm, and loving structure. The self-aware vocabulary was well chosen and respectful of their children. There were choices offered and consequences endured, but there seemed to be fluidity. There was honesty and accountability by the parents. There was consistency and candor. These parents strived to parent without personal ego (whenever possible) and were dedicated to their own personal transformation too. They knew they were flawed but they were trying to heal so that they were not reactive. It was in such stark contrast to my childhood that I became enamored with the language, behavior, and the calm that was perpetuated… so, like an anthropologist, I began to study these creatures and discovered that there was a world of information on conscious parenting. I read, studied, and learned. Then I shared. While I am neither a parent, psychologist, nor expert… I now have a 30 year self-study on this topic. A therapist I used to see said that out of all of his clients, he spoke with me more about parenting children than any of his clients who actually had children. He also used to say that if kids has issues, he wanted to see the parents, not the kids. That’s not because kids were not acting out atrociously sometimes, but because if the parents can shift their own experience, their kids’ experience will shift as well.
A few years ago, I got a credentialed as a certified coach (insert eyeroll) with almost 100 hours of core competency training in a variety of topics from neuroplasticity of the brain to emotional intelligence. But here I am sharing some incredibly valuable resources from which I have learned a great deal that I sought out myself and that I share with all the parents I can. I encourage you to use them to transform yourself and your parenting because your own healing will provide the best soil in which your child can grow.
Here are some gems to get you started...
Dr. Shifali Tsbary
I love all of the books written by psychologist, Dr. Shifali Tsbary.
I discovered her many years ago when she was the Oprah Winfrey Show's parenting expert. I have had the pleasure of hearing her speak live on several occasions and I think she is brilliant. Here is a list of all her books but the first one is my favorite.
THE CONSCIOUS PARENT
THE AWAKENED FAMILY
A RADICAL AWAKENING
You can find several of her interviews with Oprah on line, but you can support her second book here.
Be sure to check out her website too!
Katrina Kenison
Katrina Kenison’s book MITTEN STRINGS FOR GOD is a must read for every new parent. I give it to all pregnant family, friends and clients. This beautifully written memoir is about parenting, life stages, mindfulness, and simplicity is a quick read and encourages parents of young children to restore balance and stillness to lives often spent on the run. She candidly shares her journey as she learns from a vulnerable and wise place.
She has a newsletter that you can sign up for that is packed full but check out this jewel that I send out occasionally. It is an interview she did with her son, Jack, about her parenting. Jack is the same child she talks about in her book when he is a toddler. It is powerful… a must read.
Find her website here.
Brené Brown
In addition to writing several wonderful books of which my favorite is THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION, research professor, Brené Brown, is a master storyteller live in person. A few years ago when I was in Austin, TX for SXSW, I was out of my mind when I saw name on the schedule. Her talk was, of course, fully sold out, but I snuck under and rope an in through a locked door left ajar… and began scribbling notes and laughing out loud. Her lectures all over the world are delightful, wise, hilarious, and impactful, but she has two wonderful TED talks on shame and vulnerability which started it all that you can find here:
TED Talk - The Power Of Vulnerability
I highly recommend that you watch them both. You might not think these two topics have anything to do with your life, but guess again. I promise you that they do and that this information will catapult your parenting to a powerful new awareness that will only foster your child’s well-being and mental health. Her research on these two topics along with courage, bravery, authenticity and whole-hearted living are unmatched. Her parenting manifesto (below) is on the Mac and Cheese Facebook page, but here is it again for your viewing pleasure. I am sure she won’t mind if you print it out and place somewhere in your home so you can view it regularly. It is, no doubt, why she made it pretty.
Parenting Manifesto by Brené Brown